We’ve reached the pointy end of Love Triangle and this week’s episode delivers the kind of deliciously chaotic drama we’ve been waiting for.
Everything starts with the most predictably dubious maneuver since those Year 10 sleepovers – “I’m headed to the restroom,” Chloe announces to everyone, then slips away unnoticed with Bernie for a covert chat.
Translation: sneaky makeout mission imminent.
The couple meet under cover of night to decipher the love letter penned by Bernie.
Chloe is feeling anxious. And understandably so. She murmurs, “I’m truly terrified.”
It’s not only due to the bathroom lighting. She’s conflicted—considering using two matches for this single person who has left her mind swirling.
Bernie, always the wordsmith, moves closer and says, “If within a single word I can provide what you seek… pick me.”
And just like that
Boom! A kiss follows with intertwined tongues. The lipstick smudge is clown-like. The audience is left speechless as jazz music builds up intensity.
They return to the group acting like absolutely nothing happened – despite Chloe looking like she’s just walked off the set of The Joker and Bernie trying to pretend he’s still emotionally available to his other two matches, Jazmin and Marissa.
Unfortunately for him, these two are no fools.
Jazmin and Marissa quickly join forces for a feminist takedown deserving of a round of applause.
Marissa speaks directly: ‘My connection with Jazmin is stronger than what I share with Bernie.’
This harsh criticism comes as Bernie has demonstrated even less romance than someone who texts ‘you up?’ at 2 am.
But Marissa has only just begun.
She points out to Bernie that she abandoned her child just to be here – only to end up feeling like a mere pawn in his emotional games.
She confronts him about his lack of honesty, disengagement, and—let’s face it—his wasteful use of her time.
Bernie’s resurgence? ‘I believe it’s mentally challenging.’
Excuse me, is “what now?” an expression? A verb? A state of being? Could someone hand over the subtitles? Or perhaps some wine?
Then comes the absolute knockout from Jazmin – the quote that should be stitched onto tea towels, T-shirts and Bernie’s next rejection letter: ‘All I want is a knight in shining armour, and he’s a loser in tin foil.’
Iconic. Legendary. Give her the Logie, the Walkley and a spot on The Bachelorette.
Meanwhile, Chloe is back to square one – rattled and wondering if she’s just signed up for heartbreak.
Again. If Bernie’s treating the other women like this now, what’s to say he won’t do the same to her once the thrill of the sneaky bathroom kiss wears off?
Honestly, Chloe – you’ve got Emma. Sweet, stable, emotionally intelligent Emma. She’s the safe bet. The adult decision. The one who won’t ghost you after a Tuesday night espresso martini date.
However, following the classic Love Triangle pattern, logic goes out the window and emotions get complicated.
Will Chloe ultimately dispose of the guy wrapped in aluminum foil? Will Bernie endure another roasting? Or will he emerge, with lipsmudgeoned makeup and disoriented, returning safely to the sanctuary of the restroom?
One thing’s for sure: someone’s about to get emotionally evicted.
Join us again next week for more smooches, dramatic breakdowns, and cunning courtships on Love Triangle.
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