It’s simple to overlook the fundamentals when
raising kids today
A great deal of effort goes into ensuring they are content and well, enrolled in suitable educational institutions, cultivating wholesome relationships, and participating in additional extracurricular pursuits.
But
What numerous parents are overlooking
Is the fact that they have the largest impact on a child’s life. No doubt about it.
Erika Cramer, a confidence coach and writer, goes out of her way to emphasize this point to her clients, especially mothers who exhaust themselves making sure their kids lead fulfilling and enriched lives, often at the expense of their own desires and requirements.
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Cramer, widely recognized as The Queen of Confidence, speaks with Sazua.com about women who visit her seeking advice, such as how they can help their children become more self-assured.
“And I’m thinking, ‘Do you feel sure about this?’ Good luck with that since your child won’t follow what you tell them; instead, they’ll mimic how you act,” she clarifies.
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Cramer suggests that many mothers typically adhere to “the set of guidelines they’re familiar with” from their personal experiences and upbringing, rarely contemplating their true selves or the aspirations for their desired lifestyles.
She too fell into this trap before she had an epiphany.
“I want to make sure that my kids see a confident, powerful-ass woman.
“When I drop them off and I’m like, ‘Goodbye, I’m going to go travel’. That’s the best thing I could do because I get to see Mummy living her dream doing what she does,” she says.
She says children are being raised by social media and their peers instead of the parents who are leading by example.
We’re facing a problem with being led by peers,” she states. “These children are essentially being brought up by their friends, which is really a matter of parental oversight, isn’t it?
We experience anxiety, all this mess… If we don’t improve our mentality, if we don’t focus on self-improvement, if we don’t heal, everything that holds us back will continue.
It took Cramer many years to reach these insights following a string of harsh setbacks.
Reflecting on her journey, Cramer feels a sense of pride regarding how much progress she has made.
Whatever is troubling you stems from your childhood and the lessons you absorbed when you were young,” she says. “If we don’t address this, we pass it along to our children. We set an example for them.
Cramer aims to motivate women to start this journey without awaiting the harsh life experiences that typically prompt such action, cautioning that although it’s not an easy task, it undeniably holds great value.
She remarks, ‘The challenge is the path.’
For those unsure of how to start reshaping their lives, she recommends tackling the largest “ knots” first—those aspects causing the greatest distress.
This involves assessing various aspects of your life such as relationships, finances, careers, and health… The next step is pinpointing the most significant issue. This is where you start.
She mentions, ‘You shouldn’t tackle everything simultaneously. It’s just too overwhelming and absurd.’
Once you notice that, I’d suggest seeking therapy or coaching… They require a space where they can begin examining aspects of their life that they have avoided and simply tackle one issue at a time.
Right now, there are actions you can take to improve your mood.
For one of Cramer’s clients, that meant wearing brightly coloured clothing that she was always too scared to wear. For another that meant wearing ‘bling’ sneakers.
For Cramer herself that meant wearing large hats and pink.
“If you dress in the way that you want to be perceived, it’s an actual thing. It’s called ‘enclosed cognition’. It not only changes the way you show up … it changes the way people see you, and so I started to heal and love myself more and then I started liking pink,” she says.
She shifted from being “mad at the world” to aiming to assist others, thus initiating her inaugural coaching program.
“Our deepest fear is not that we’re inadequate, it’s that you’re powerful beyond measure and you’re scared, especially in Australia. It’s a tall poppy, right? You’re scared to be the great person that you know yourself to be,” she says.
“Everybody thinks they’re a good person, but we showcase I’m-not-good-enough-imposter-syndrome. And I’m like, ‘Can we just stop?’ It’s so boring. I’m so tired of it. You actually do think you’re awesome. So why don’t you tap into that version of you that believes you’re good?
“She’s the one that’s dressing you. She’s the one that’s going for the pay rise. She’s the one showing up on social media. We let her come out and we don’t don’t rip her to shreds, then we can walk around as her more and more.”
You can keep up with Erika Cramer through her podcast.
The Confidence Chronicles
.
Her remarkable journey is documented in her self-help autobiography.
Becoming Magnetic
, out now.
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